09/06/25

Author Nickolette Burnette

Hi brothers and sisters. Welcome to or back to His Table Is Ours 🤎. The Lord put something of such significance on my spirit and mind this early morning, and I know that someone will be radically touched by this. Please allow yourself to let God’s spirit move through and in you as you are attentive in this, let it capture your inmost being right now. Here we go.. a couple years ago I partook in a very ungodly, exposing, vulnerable, destructing industry. Porn. Who would have known I’d be where I even am right now after that, Wow. I was a content creator for the two different companies. It all started due to a video I posted on my Instagram that went ridiculously viral, like Millions. The attention, dm’s, likes, comments, follows were insane. I at one point had a follow of about 15 thousand people on just one of my accounts. It was double that between two of them. This means nothing, but to understand to severity and exposure it had. The video being mentioned was what they call lewd. Tempting. From this, many many people asked if I had a – you can name it. From the insane amount of repetitive times asked, I made the step and created one, this is something I would have never done. To give a minimal back story. I wasn’t with guys really, I may have had a crush, liked someone, or fantasied about more things I can even handle but I didn’t act upon those destructive desires until I was 19. I saw the destruction, problems, and stupidity it caused in the lives of people around me and didn’t need to question anything else. It was a simple obvious no. I remember, I applied for a company to be apart of what they call “centerfold”. An extremely publicized, well known brand. I didn’t think much of this at all, it seemed pretty simple and minimal to what I was already posting and acting in on social media. This came first before the other company. Which led to many people asking about the other one. At this point in my life, I had been at a job that was nothing crazy but an “opportunity” better came across me, little did I know. So I left to go to a different place. And from there, I got accepted for what I applied for on “centerfold”, and after some short time on that, I began creating on the other platform. At this point, my soul was just. Not doing ok. I had in one word yes, made the choice to begin on the second one which was extremely known for porn not thinking what seemed simple and somewhat on the innocent side would turn into porn. It was like, a part of me was crying internally and something didn’t want me to do that at all. The amount of fear, worry, anxiety, terrible detrimental scenarios, feelings, and emotions after I forced myself to go through with it was traumatizing. It dented and brushed a part of my soul so sadly. Not to mentioned it had felt like I just accepted that was my ending, not knowing where it would go. Feeling like, how could I do this? I never in my life wanted to do anything like this. I avoided boys physically to an extreme extent for a reason. It broke my heart worse than anyone else has unfortunately. I never wanted to sell myself or present myself like and with this. Who even was I? Not who I even knew myself as. Just a couple years before this, someone who was a significant part of my entire life up until the age 16 had no longer been apart of it. That broke me and left me controlled by emotions and feelings. But from that, I didn’t even know who I was because I was living in this persons shadow. I didn’t know life aside from that ever. I was still figuring out who I even was to begin with. I knew one thing for sure in my spirit, that was not me and that the Lord was like, Hey, I’m here. it was very gentle but deep. It was a warning. Looking back, man God’s grace and mercy. God is so good. I could cry again and again seeing how He brought me to life from the death my choices made. I didn’t like or care for the comments, the attention, the thoughts, the feelings. After a quick amount of time. I was drained in every way, exhausted, sad, empty, and just not happy at all. I agreed to a life of emptiness and death. I hated it so much. I had never had so much pain or hatred in or for myself, that had affected and spread to others due to this. I felt worthless, used, abused, empty, and like any sparkle or love in me had been gone. The happy little girl I once was, I couldn’t even look her in the eyes. I felt so sad. How could I do this to her? Man did my heart break and cry so bad. Once again, brothers and sisters God is so good. After doing this and after not giving any of my attention to it not caring what people asked or wanted out of it. I did something here and there, no consistency at all. The age 19 was the devil. I got a different Job in an industry around – guess. Only Boys. Sit tight, God had a plan, it gets good. I was determined, ignorant and willing to do whatever I needed to “prove” myself. I had momentum, wanted to prove, and was full of pride. After some months and success out of the job itself, plenty of guess again – attention. Brother. I know. I started to begin acting upon my sexual desires for people. Age was no halt for me then. I was surrounded by lust, temptation, and ways. I was doing it from a place of seeking to find. I had the (little did I know) destructive boldness to try to find it. I had lust, maliciousness, ungodly desires, and such neediness to want in my heart and determination. The first person I wanted to have sex with wouldn’t work out. Something each time just didn’t feel, sit, or was right. Between awkwardness and uncomfortability and what I didn’t know at that time, my spirit was not ok with it. It jolted me time time after time. So a few months later, I was interested in a different person. And this point and time, after God’s grace and Him showing me a warning. From that action of fornication and sexual immorality, against my own body and God unfortunately. Destructive, detrimental, lustful, abusing habits, cycles, and ways started. During this, It was out of control for no reason. I was drained, upset, emotionless, and broken. I could feel something tremendously hurt, broken, and gone inside of me. That bond of innocence, purity, and holiness was gone. Life had never been more painful, dark, and void. My knight and shining armor (God) saw me. I would sit in my car and listen to music louder than my voice. Screaming, yelling, physically abusing (hitting) myself. Mad, upset, frustrated, done. For months. I kept having sex with people, hoping. I was done being treated the way I was, giving myself out for people who just didn’t love me back the way my soul was looking for, who didn’t fill me. I was left so broken. The difference between God’s blessings and the world (our enemy) Proverbs 10:22 “The blessing of the Lord brings wealth, without painful toil for it.” The biblical definition for being blessed isn’t la di da like people think and say it as. It’s sacrificial, patient, it stings, it’s tough. it’s pushing. Remember you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you (Philippians 4:13) If He put you there, sent you here, place you in that, allowed you to face that. Then you can. Think, what i was partaking in (fornication, sexual immorality, a life facing death) this was the world’s “promise” for fulfillment, fun, excitement, thrill. What everyone at one point thinks is “Life!” Not God’s. God is against these things, not you; as we discussed what He reprimands in Here He Is. I recommend reading for further depth and understanding. He didn’t create you to sit there half-naked next to someone who doesn’t want to be doing that either deep down both depressed, burdened, and empty because what words can’t explain, your spirit will feel and express through you in emotional responsive actions and behaviors. You were created to be more, your body may pass away one day but your Spirit is what lives and is joined with God. And all the feelings and emotions that the Lord gives lives, peace that transcends understanding (Philippians 4:7), A love that nothing can separate you from that remains, that touches the deepest, darkest, brokest depths of your entire being, mind, body, and spirit, the love you think and looked for the world to give you (Romans 8:38,39) (Psalm 136:20), grace that we could never earn and did nothing to deserve (2 Corinthians 12:9) and a life that has more joy, happiness, and compassion than this world could ever deceive into experiencing (Psalm 9:2, 116:5). This will express and be brought to the surface in and through your emotions, feelings, in experiences, and ways only God can do. And through this, you will have no words to even begin to thank God and release your deepest depth of thank you. Because, His promises chase you and stay firm, His love will never let you go, His hope will always be near you because He simply will not let you settle for less, and Him. His Big, Gracious, Loving, Tender, Most Precious being loves you. He looks at you and is so happy He created you, He seems His son in you, even if you see dirt, blood, wounds, scars. He see’s His one out of one Child. And for me, He see’s Nickolette. The daughter He created to do the bold thing, to cry with those who are crying, to cheer with those who are down, to life up those whose very shoulders are lazy, burdens are heard, and heads are down. To say, Hey, I see you, I feel your pain, and know that I’m not done with you. Through all my sin, mistakes, errors. His son in me wanted to heal those very people I was sitting next to, holding. His sons whom are controlled by fear, who was abandoned and fears being good enough that sits him in darkness, isolating Him in an empty whole in His soul, still ready, anticipating, hoping. Who’s voice was “heard” but yet still left so broken. Who’s pain was more than visible, screaming, and crying but yet, the “Hey, can you please help me” sits in the silence of His eyes. And a girl who has the heart of the one who created her that didn’t know, understand, or have the patience to let the Lord work through me to reach the parts of His son’s that He see’s, hears, and cries for. Next to each and every one of them, was the Lord in me. I didn’t quite get it, or do it right. But He was there. In the beginning of it all warning me, in the middle when it got tiring, and at the end when I gave it all to Him. Here I am, standing. Only God could do that. His grace was enough when He was there, His mercy saved me after I turned from it, and His love crowned me and showed me His being. In Him is life, is light, He brought truth and grace. His name goes by Jesus. But does He wear many other names; Redeemer, Healer, Deliverer, Chain Breaker, Savior, Lamb of God, Restorer, The Way, The Word, The Truth, The Life. (John 14:6, John 1:1-5) He was there in and through it all. And He hasn’t for one second not been. Nothing will separate God from being with, near, and for His people. We are His creation, the work of His mighty hand, the depths of His heart. There is one way. And He provided it to us. Through Him, your past will never define you, those lies will not shape you, that pain will not remain, your soul will see the very light of every day. And He wants you. The smile on my soul right now I pray you feel! I had never felt happy, ok, and free until I found Him and saw the very proof with my eyes working in and through my heart to mind. Someone who once sold herself now lives for the one who paid her price and did with yours too Child. Look at that. That time of my life is not my identity, who I belong to is. Christ in, through, and with me. In His Mighty Name I am Here and Made It! My God, My God, My God. God allowed me to experience that to understand the promises of the world will pull you into darkness, emptiness, and steal from you, kill your being, and destroy your well-being. (John 10:10) And God, came to let you know who runs this and that there is not one thing that is going to keep Him from you. Child breath, and remember the wonder and awe of your beginning. Because here He is in the middle, your time and chance for your end too. To begin the life He promised you, is right with you. In Jesus Name. Amen.

Child, He Is next to you, now go

Pray: God, I can’t begin to thank you enough with the breath you have given me, today and every day. May I receive you into my inmost being, where your hand created, formed, and molded me for something more. Thank you, Jesus, for taking my sin, mistakes, and brokenness. For washing me in your blood, for setting me free from chains of pain, and for delivering me out of that life and cycle. God, I could never have enough thank you’s for what you did in my life and me. God I Love You. Amen.

Psalm 46:1-2 God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea